Tuesday, January 27, 2009

572 Ways to Describe Excruciating Stomach Pain

Gross. Icky. Awful.

Go ahead---toss in your own adjective to describe something so foul that you make a carrot face and ask someone to "smell this".

Maybe you didn't see the Hawks 95-79 "game" Monday night. We here at the HHB use the " " to indicate that things really didn't reflect the word that is inside of the " ".

A game is usually fun---it's a joy---and since the Hawks were 100 percent joyless--well except for when Josh Smith picked up a technical foul while sitting on the bench---he looked happy at that point---anyway, since the Hawks were without joy and gave the ol' more turnovers than field goals a real run for the money, we're not calling that a game.

The Hawks moved on both ends without purpose, the offense--which seemed inspired early on by going inside and getting Dwyane Wade two quick fouls (note to Coach Woodson---he finished with those same 2 fouls)---wilted under the weight of a ton of missed shots. The particularly deflating ones were the real close ones we call layups and dunks---not good.

In fact, we thought maybe at one point the basket was tilted in a certain angle, because the ball kept spinning out the same way, like a demented basketball water slide---round and out and please clear the path for the next shot---thank you.

Mike Bibby seems to be pleased with our Bibby, Bibby, and more Bibby piece from haughtier times (last Friday) because he has been stinky the last couple of games---with no appreciation for the Hawks inside game (maybe why it worked well early on) and the persistent lack of being able to finish around the basket Monday night, the Heat put constant pressure on The Backcourt, leading to lots of turnovers and missed field goals.

Combined with a defensive effort geared to make sure Wade wasn't going to miss out on highlights after skipping the first quarter (he would finish with 35 points), the Hawks woes led to a final that didn't seem to accurately depict how far away the Hawks were from WinningLand.

It was ugly, nasty, and thoroughly nauseating at times. The HHB tried it at many DVR speeds---X1, X2, X3, and X4---it was unwatchable at all levels.

The Hawks now go to New York (Offensive SlumpBuster Alert!) and then come back to face the team that has had the Hawks numerics this season, the New Jersey Nets.

It is the HHB's hope that the club can figure out where the joy went because soon we'll run out of adjectives to describe the effort---and they will simply be losing.

The HHB skipped the usual post game meal---Lost Appetite Syndrome---For cures and comments please refer to the Comments section.


CoCo said...

"Combined with a defensive effort geared to make sure Wade wasn't going to miss out on highlights after skipping the first quarter"

That literally made me laugh out loud. Not just chuckle to myself, but laugh out loud. I'm still laughing and I may revisit this post several times just to laugh even more. Thanks, I feel a lot better about last night's loss.

Jason Walker said...


You flatter me---and thank you for that!